break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
