I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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