I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
