Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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