I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
