Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
