Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
