First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
