i already hear my dad disowning me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
