I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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