Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
