I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize