i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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