so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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