I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize