Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
