and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
