so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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