it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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