the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
