We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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