And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
