at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
