I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
