I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We smell like vodka and hangover
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