Too much gin, very little bucket
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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