he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
