just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
