am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize