So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
