this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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