dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
