I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
