his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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