A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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