Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
