I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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