Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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