this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
