I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
