I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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