so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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