Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
