we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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