So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize