I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
