If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
