remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
