Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Screwed.edu
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
