i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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