Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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