is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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