they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
