it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who died my cat blue again?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
