I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
