Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
