Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
