I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
