Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
