Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
