I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
false alarm, still single
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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