i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
