In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
