Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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