eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
