I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize