it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
