Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
