It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
