I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
