Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
