I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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