I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
