you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
