Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
