I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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